Thank you for listening
Friends, humans, and everything else in between
Visual Summary of today’s blog.
Thanks for arriving at this point with me. It means a lot to be heard these days, especially amongst all the noise.
With that said, I think we can all do a little more than what we’re doing right now.
Let’s not confuse that with the idea that you’re not already doing enough, yourself. But let’s zoom in and actually ask the question:
Are we doing enough, together?
Recently, I’ve noticed a trend of folks taking a break from social media to reclaim their time and focus on being together in real life. Over the last decade this idea of real life vs your online identity has become the grounds to doctoral work. And also the basis of failure and success. And also the basis of divorce and family ruin.
But, how?
I think that’s the question we need to answer. I won’t actually anwer it today.
But how did we get so far from unity, community, and trust that we allowed our online selves to overtake everything?
I follow my neighbors on social media, but we don’t actually speak in person. Friends believe we’re close because they can keep up with what I’m up to in my own life.
But what happens when we cut the amblical cord that is social media?
Proxies to Human Connection
I’ll admit that I have “friends” that I almost exclusively interact with on Instagram or Twitter. When we do see each other in real life it’s as if time hasn’t passed and we haven’t skipped a beat — this usually happens once a year. There are times I’ll go on a social media hiatus and I’ll get the occasional message from them saying they haven’t heard from me in a while and that they hope things are going well.
The question that comes to mind—do you miss me because I haven’t “shared” an update via social media in awhile or do you actually miss “me”?
Better stated—do you miss the virtual me or the real me? Is there a difference?
I’ve ended all relationships that had this type of foundation. It came down to me calling everyone that wanted to interact with me in this way about once a month. If they picked up the phone, we had an engaging conversation, and I felt a good vibe afterwards then I’d continue keeping in touch. I’d attempt to call them about 3 times in the span of a week. If none of my calls were returned or replied to in a text message then I’d simply come to grips with reality.
Trust me when I say this…it was extremely hard to do.
My new means of engagement for “friends” (ratios):
20% Social media DMs (mostly sending funny videos)
60% Text messages (weekly cadence)
20% Random phonecalls and facetimes (1-2x a month)
When we do text or talk on the phone I try and make sure I only focus on them until they ask about me. I’m reaching out because I want to hear about them, their life, their faults, their recent successes. Most of the calls last longer than an hour, but shorter than 2 hours.
I often get messages within a couple days of chatting with friends saying they really enjoyed chatting and that talking with me came at the right time. There is something about the universe knowing when two individuals need to reconnect that I wish I knew more about…
Getting to the Point.
The point is for you to end the draining relationships that you have and mend the ones that you’ve been thinking about building.
Scientists, psychologists, and a couple other smart people have said that you can only really maintain 5 friends in your life at a time. This doesn’t mean you can’t have more friends than that, but at full capacity the average human can only maintain meaningful relationships with about 5 people. The degree of “friendship” varies for each person and this includes 1 “best friend”.
Figure out who those 5 people are and be upfront with yourself about what you want with them. Not what you want “from them”, but what you want “with them”. You’re making a conscious decison to pour into these people and requesting them to give you their best.
Make it worth everyone’s time.
I think about who will be at my funeral, who will mention my name when I’m not around, who will invite me to their child’s birthday party?
Friends will, because the Lord knows I’m not going to any random kid’s birthday party 😅.
But in all seriousness, make a list of people and then plan something with them 💚.
Thanks for reading!
Ciao,
Corey
Next week’s blog will be weird. Just a friendly heads up.