First vacation where I felt guilty
Turns out I'm a gluttonous bastard.
An Acknowledgement
A moment of silence for the legend Toni Morrison. One of the most legendary writers in American History…if not the greatest.
How guilt builds
The day before we flew to Portugal, someone had asked me if I was excited to go on vacation and I shamelessly replied, “not really, I’m just excited to hang out with friends.”
Never did I think that I would feel “bad” for going on vacation. The morning of our flight I told my wife that I felt a little “off” and some bad juju was coming over me. Turns out it was guilt.
The odd part about me feeling guilty is that I did nothing wrong…I didn’t commit a crime nor did I do any wrong offenses to bring on this guilt. So, what the fuck was going on in my head and with my spirit?
After spending the entire weekend thinking about this…I figured it out right before the flight. Just my luck.
This was the first vacation where I wasn’t escaping work.
I’ve been conditioned to believe that the only time I should go on vacation is for the holidays, when I’ve done something “meaningful” at work, or at my breaking point of working.
Fuck! Every vacation before this trip to Portugal I had been employed somewhere and needing to escape work meant going “out of town” on vacation.
But this trip was truly different. I left my job in June and in the past 45 days I’ve already been on 3 vacations and had 2 more planned within the next 25 days.
Since June 1st, I’ve been to New Orleans, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, & a couple of cities in Portugal. My next stops are Washington DC (tomorrow) and I had planned a trek across America for the first two weeks of September (15 day trip). My final trip of 2019 was supposed to be France (10 days), but I’ve canceled all remaining trips except the one (tomorrow) to Washington DC.
Too many vacations…weird.
Me being Gluttonous in Portugal
Is my guilt founded on truth?
Jogging back to the idea that I’ve only been on vacation in my life as the result of escaping work is worrisome, troubling to say the least.
Portugal was the first vacation where I really had no agenda. Just wanted to explore and feel the city. I had already been to Lisbon, Portugal before and decided to do it again this time with friends and my wife. I had to be extremely intentional around releasing my stronghold on what a “vacation” meant while in Portugal.
This was the first time where I allowed myself to be curious about a place I’ve already been.
This curiousity turned into us renting a car and driving down through countryside and down the western coast of Portugal. We passed through many small villages, a ton of dirt roads, a couple of empty beaches, and ended up in Lagos, Portugal.
In the span of 3 days I probably visited 10+ beaches south of Lisbon. I drank more wine on that trip than I’ve probably drank in my entire life. I had a daily cigar (I don’t recommend this at all) and ate pastel de nata’s regularly.
About halfway through the trip, I took an early morning stroll around the village to watch the sunrise and it somehow ended with me asking myself, “why am I here?”
The truths of my guilt are: laziness, escapism, gluttony, and greed.
Curving my guilt
I won’t go too deep on the truths of my guilt in this blog, but I’ll give a little inkling into what’s on the other side of my guilt.
Purposeful work.
I must do more purposeful work. Work where I help others and help myself excel to new heights. That is what I’m dedicating this next stage of my life to.
As I used to say in college, “IT’S FUCKING GRIND SEASON!”
I’ve already mentioned the fact that I’ve always needed to escape work with a vacation. But now that I’m in a position to build my own future. How can I merge these two worlds? How can I build while ensuring I never need to escape it for sanity’s sake.
I haven’t gone into the workings of the company I’m building and have been building for the past 18 months. And that will still be for a future blog, but I’ll mention it here briefly — Goji Studios Inc or simply known as GOJI. It’s going to be big. Easily the most work, time, and money I’ve ever put into something.
Will it be successful? Of course.
When? Well…
The next thing that I’ll mention is that I’m now advising a startup 🎉. The contract has been signed and our first official meeting is on Monday, August 19th, 2019. I’ve always wanted to get into the advisory/VC/angel investment space and this is my first step towards that. Wish me luck and send me tips if you’ve done it before!
Last, but definitely not least…my first art investment has paid off! Early 2019 I put in a sizeable investment into a short film that someone very close to me had written — they wanted to direct & produce it. I told them I would come on as an Executive Producer if they allowed me to help with the production of the film and be on set — this is usually a no-no in the industry, but it worked out in this case.
Introducing THE CALL, written and directed by Angelica Weaver
This short film did all the things: full cast (3 main leads) + 12 background actors, shot in a soundstage studio & other locations, 5 person film crew, professional sound, a marketing team, BTS crew, 3 production assistants, 2 interns, makeup and hair artist, costume team, contracts, legal shit, insurance, and a decent post-production team.
All of this work is being highlighted with it being selected for 2 film festivals so far! The first film festival starts tomorrow in Washington DC and the 2nd is in September (we haven’t announced it yet). I fully expect this film to make it into about 3-5 more festivals in the next 12 months. For more information on the project, follow it on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/thecallshortfilm/.
My next vacation
The next trip I take will be a result of the work being done and me feeling completely satisfied with where things are. It will not be a result of me running from work, but a result of me celebrating the accomplishments along the way.
With Love,
Corey